Irrational Versus Rational Response

Directions:  The link below is a blog post discussing the Florida parent protests against procedures put in place to protect a child with a life threatening peanut allergy.  Please read it and then be prepared to join us in considering some ways to respond to this situation or a similar situation that you may face with a child who has special dietary needs.

http://allergickid.blogspot.com/2011/03/todays-lesson-hate-and-intolerance.html

Here are some initial responses and our attempts to sort them out.

1.  This isn't fair!  Why do people have SUCH a hard time understanding food allergies?
2.  It's not fair to the other kids in the class?  How about life being fair for the kid with the allergy?
3. Why is it so hard for people to accommodate people with food allergies or any special dietary need for that matter?  It's JUST food!  Have you taken notice of our obesity epidemic?
4.  Since when is school focused around food?  I didn't know learning math or reading skills required peanut butter!
5.  Why must a parent of a child with food allergies need to fight so much for the safety of their child?
6.  How can people be so mean and so hurtful?
7.   Do you think a parent asks for their child to have food allergies?
8.  Boy, do I feel good about homeschooling my kids!

In addition to our emotional response and outrage, we want to keep thinking about this and try to come up with more rational responses.  This situation is completely wrong, but the first priority must always be keeping your child safe. The question is: if this happened to your child, what would be the best way to respond?

A few thoughts (and a quick disclaimer first)

Disclaimer: we do not know the entire story. We don't know how the school has responded to this- Have any statements been issued? Any efforts made to educate the parents and children? That might provide answers to some of our thoughts below:

1. The parents of the little girl with the peanut allergy clearly have legal rights here. They pulled her from school apparently due to threats made by other parents, but they have every right to keep that kid in her school. That said, safety has to come first, so their actions are understandable.

2. The cause to stay in school is important, because it would definitely set a bad precedent for other kids in other school districts if no one stands up and fights. The burden would seem to be on the school to: provide this kid with the services in her educational plan, provide safety for each and every student, and protect the confidential educational and health information of each student from being leaked to the public. If the school district is negligent in this regard, legal action could easily be pursued and a pretty strong case could be made that they are not doing this.

3. On a public policy level, it would be interesting to see if any steam could be gathered behind some legislation that would treat someone who harms or threatens to harm someone with a life-threatening allergy as a hate crime or something to that effect. I would hate to think that someone would have to be hurt in order for something to happen, but unfortunately, that seems to be the only way something like this gets done.

4. The parents of the other first graders have the right to protest things that they think are violating their children's rights to adequate education. However, wouldn't it serve everyone best if the school hosted a public forum about this issue, to educate about the real dangers of food allergies? They could invite one or more allergy experts to talk about the reality of the threat of peanuts to this little girl, and open up the floor for questions. A little awareness and understanding never hurts in a situation like this.  Also, it would be of interest to find out if these parents voiced their concerns to faculty and administrators within the school before the protests. What was the school's response?

5. It might be helpful to publicize stories of school districts or individual classrooms in which reasonable accommodations to protect a student have been made successfully, to illustrate that this can be done, and no one would really miss out on anything. In fact, isn't there potential for a lot to be gained in a classroom in which tolerance and understanding are practiced on a daily basis?

What do you think? Are you familiar with any "success stories" that are comparable to this situation? How would you deal with the type of opposition that these folks face in Florida?

Some of My VERY Favorite Dinner Recipes

I LOVE to cook and bake.  But I HATE spending lots of money on ingredients.  When our kids were diagnosed with food allergies our grocery bill tripled.  Living gluten free, dairy free, egg free, and so many other "frees" was extremely frustrating.  I don't understand why children with allergies and other special dietary needs don't get any type of disability.  Just the cost of feeding them is enough to break the bank.  After two months of insanely high priced grocery shopping trips I was determined to find recipes for meals that were still "free" of all of the ingredients we needed to avoid, but not expensive.  I hosted a recipe contest on facebook where I challenged friends to find recipes that were safe for our family.  My grandmother started saving me all the magazines she subscribes to.  I searched every one looking for recipes that would work.  I also purchased a few special diet cook books, but most of the recipes were too expensive to make and called for ingredients I didn't even know existed, or they were free of one or two things, but then required the use of other things I couldn't use.


A year later, I have compiled an entire binder full of recipes that are safe and inexpensive for our family to eat.  I still search through every magazine I see, but for the most part we eat very well.  There are only a few ingredients that I need to buy in the health food section of the grocery store.


I keep meaning to share some of our favorite dinner recipes.  Today is the day!  I hope you enjoy! They are delicious and can be altered easily to fit any diet.  The best thing is that they don't require "special" ingredients!


All the recipes are gluten free, dairy free, egg free, and...  They are free of A LOT of stuff!


Chicken Enchiladas with Green Salsa

(This recipe does call for cheese and sour cream, but we leave it out, and offer it on the side to those who are able to eat it.  We use a fryer chicken instead of a rotisserie chicken to omit possible allergens.  You can substitute the green salsa for any kind of salsa if you'd like or eat it without, which we've done too!)

Ingredients

• 4 tablespoons canola oil
• 2 small zucchini, diced
• 1 small red onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup corn kernels (from 1 ear, or frozen and thawed)
• 1 2- to 2 1/2 pound rotisserie chicken, meat shredded
• 1 1/2 cups grated Monterey Jack (6 ounces)
• kosher salt and black pepper
• 12 6-inch corn tortillas
• 1 pound tomatillos, papery husks removed
• 1 jalapeño, seeded
• 1 cup fresh cilantro
• 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
• 1/2 cup sour cream (optional)

Directions

1. Heat oven to 400° F. Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a medium skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Add zucchini, onion, and corn and cook, stirring, until onion begins to soften, 3 to 5 minutes.
3. Transfer vegetables to a large bowl. Add chicken, Monterey Jack, 1 teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper. Mix to combine.
4. Wipe out the skillet and heat remaining oil over medium heat. Cook each tortilla until softened, 10 to 15 seconds per side. Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate.
5. Divide chicken mixture among the tortillas, roll them up, and place them in a baking dish, seam-side down. Bake until heated through, 8 to 10 minutes.
6. Meanwhile, in a food processor, pulse the tomatillos, jalapeño, cilantro, lime juice, and ½ teaspoon salt until finely chopped. Serve the enchiladas with the salsa and sour cream, if using.

Chicken with Acorn Squash and Tomatoes

Ingredients

• 1 small acorn squash (about 1 1/2 pounds), halved, seeded, and sliced 1/4 inch thick
• 1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
• 4 cloves garlic, sliced
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• kosher salt and black pepper
• 4 6-ounce boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano

Directions

1. Heat oven to 425° F.
2. On a large rimmed baking sheet, toss the squash, tomatoes, and garlic with 2 tablespoons of the oil, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper.
3. Roast the vegetables until the squash is tender, 20 to 25 minutes.
4. Meanwhile, heat the remaining tablespoon of oil in a large skillet over medium heat.
5. Season the chicken with the coriander, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper. Cook until golden brown and cooked through, 6 to 7 minutes per side.
6. Serve the chicken with the squash and tomatoes and sprinkle with the oregano.

Columbian Chicken and Potato Soup

(I use 2 cups frozen corn kernels instead of cobs, omit celery and onion, and serve lime juice on the side.)

Ingredients

• 4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs (about 4)
• 4 frozen corn-on-the-cob pieces (sometimes called “cobbettes”)
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 small onion, thinly sliced
• 1 celery stalk, thinly sliced
• 4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
• 2 medium russet potatoes (about 1 pound), peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice, plus wedges for serving
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• kosher salt and black pepper
• cut-up avocado, fresh cilantro sprigs, and capers, for serving

Directions

1. In a large saucepan or Dutch oven, combine the chicken broth and 1 cup water and bring to a boil. Add the chicken and corn and simmer until the chicken is cooked through, 10 to 12 minutes.
2. Remove the chicken and corn from the saucepan and reserve.
3. Strain the cooking liquid into a large bowl or measuring cup and reserve.
4. Wipe out the saucepan and heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, celery, and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to soften, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the potatoes and the reserved cooking liquid and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until the pota-toes are cooked through, 15 to 20 minutes.
5. Meanwhile, shred the chicken and cut the corn pieces into 1-inch-thick rounds. Return the chicken and corn to the soup. Add the lime juice, oregano, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper and cook until heated through, about 1 minute. Serve the soup with the avocado, cilantro, capers, and lime wedges

Homemade Taco Seasoning Packet Replacement

I'm not sure where this recipe came from, it was given to me by a friend, but it has been a LIFE SAVER!  There are only four ingredients, no preservatives, no sugar, no msg, etc.

(We omit chili powder and add  1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes because of Adam's allergies.)

1 packet

1 1/2 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon oregano

1/2 teaspoon salt or garlic salt

1. Stir seasoning and 3/4 cup water into 1 pound browned and drained hamburger or any other meat, simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Kale With Roasted Peppers and Olives

(We use red wine vinegar instead of balsamic vinegar and black olives instead of Kalamata olives.  Any type of pepper can be used.)

Ingredients

• 2 large bunches kale
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 12 Kalamata olives, pitted and chopped
• 1 4-ounce jar roasted red peppers
• 2 tablespoons aged balsamic vinegar

Directions

1. Cut the kale into bite-size pieces, removing any tough stems. Rinse and shake dry.
2. Warm the oil and garlic in a large stockpot over medium-high heat. Remove the garlic as soon as it browns (don't let it burn). Add the kale and stir-fry 5 minutes. Add 1/4 cup water, cover, and cook 8 to 10 minutes or until tender. Uncover and add the sugar, salt, olives, and peppers. Cook over medium-high heat until the liquid has evaporated.
3. Spoon into a serving dish; scatter the garlic over the top. Drizzle with the balsamic vinegar. Serve warm or at room temperature.

All recipes and images are from Real Simple magazine, except for the taco seasoning.  I hope you enjoy!


What is your favorite inexpensive special dietary needs recipe?  We'd love for you to share it in the comments section of the blog!

I Want to Quit!

I received a call from school today.  Owen's teacher noticed a rash on his face and tummy.  The nurse called to see if I wanted her to administer Benadryl.  I explained that Owen has had the rash for four days now.  It had appeared better this morning and so I wasn't as worried, hence why I sent him to school.

When Owen returned home the rash had definitely worsened.  After nap time it had spread to his arms and legs. Originally I thought perhaps it was Roseola or maybe Fifth Disease.  Owen had been sick.  I was wrong.  It turns out, Owen had broken out in hives.  He was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics the doctor was giving him.  This is what I learned at 4:30 PM today at his doctor's appointment.

ANOTHER ALLERGY.

I took Baby L to his Communications Disorders Unit appointment on February 28th.  As I explained some of Baby L's symptoms to the CDU Specialist, she proclaims, "It sounds like he may have food allergies."  Just those two words, "food allergies" seem to haunt me EVERYWHERE I go, with EVERY CHILD I care for, whether they are my own biological children or foster/adoptive children.  How does that happen?

Lydia broke out in hives during her last antibiotic treatment as well, not because of the antibiotic, but because it was flavored with orange, one of her food allergies.  When I smelled the prescription I knew it would be trouble.  I called the pharmacy and asked for the ingredients.  They were unable to tell me the ingredients for the flavoring, other than to say it was orange flavoring.  Of course you can't take back antibiotics and get new ones.  So I took the chance and gave them to her.  Thankfully it was only a minor reaction, because the orange content was so small, but still...  ENOUGH!

Baby L started steroid nebulizer treatments two or three months ago.  I don't remember specifically.  The day he took his first treatment was the same day I gave him Tylenol for the first time.  About 4 hours after the first dose of Tylenol, I went to changed him and realized he had broken out in hives that were starting to blister.  They were all over his front and back, neck and spreading to his head.  Immediately I called the doctor, administered Benadryl and waited.  I took pictures of his back and tummy, just so I could believe what I was seeing.

Fast forward a couple of months and I decided to administer Tylenol a second time to see if in fact that was what caused the reaction.  Sure enough, as I stripped him at his doctor's appointment that very afternoon, only about an hour after the dose, he was covered in hives.

Benadryl is a staple in our home.  Just yesterday Adam received a dose.  He had somehow gotten a hold of Owen's Life cereal.  Thankfully there was no milk in it, or else we would have definitely been in far more trouble, but Adam is allergic to oats, which is one of the first ingredients.  Adam doesn't understand his food allergies.  He's two years old.  As I immediately move the cereal away from him, he exclaims,

"Mommy!  Yummy Life!"  Trying to stay calm I hold him and explain that life is "danger" as we put it in our home.  I tell him that it makes him sick.  This is on my way to the medicine cabinet to grab the Benadryl.  Adam sees is and shouts,

"YAY!  PINK MEDICINE!"

There is something wrong with this picture.  Adam LOVES Benadryl.  I'm sure it makes him feel great, but I worry that he likes it so much there may come a time where he does really stupid things just to get some.

Just a week before, Adam had another dose of Benadryl because he got a hold of a sticker that was sent home on one of Owen's papers from preschool.  Seriously, does anyone else live like this?

I am exhausted.  I want to quit.  One can't quit being a Mom of a child with food allergies, or any other special dietary need or special medical need, but sometimes, on days like today, I really wish I could.  What I would give to just take it all away.  I forget what it's like to live a life free of food, medicine, and an adhesive allergy.

The highlight of my day was finding out that the special needs preschool in our town is officially accepting Adam on a trial basis of one hour, two days a week next fall.  They won't accept him as a full time student or as a part time student.  It's too dangerous for him and his allergies.  The school would have to rearrange a whole room for Adam and eliminate many of the activities they do throughout the day.  Teachers feel it's not fair to the other children, to limit them so much.

What about Adam?  He doesn't even get a choice in what's fair for him.  His life isn't fair.  It is so sad to me that Adam's trial to preschool is the highlight of the day.  I am grateful, don't get me wrong.  We were pretty sure we would have to home school him, until our pediatrician, the medical director of the special needs school, arranged a meeting with the head administrator, the nurse, him, and myself to advocate on Adam's behalf.

The children's allergies are overwhelming at times, especially as more and more are discovered.  I feel like a crazy woman to others, even to the nurses at the doctor's office every time I call about another reaction from one of the kids.  They know I'm telling the truth, it's just that it's so unbelievable.  One of the nurses said to me last week,

"I can understand your own children, but the younger two aren't even yours!  I mean, come on!"

Anyways, I needed to vent and shed a few tears.  I truly am in mourning over Owen's allergic reaction today. Part of me feels stupid for not knowing what it was, but then another part of me is in so much denial about there being more allergies to diagnose, that until our doctors says it's an allergy, I won't believe it.  Hopefully I'm not the only one that's felt this way, perhaps the allergies or diagnoses are different, but I mean the wanting to quit part.

Please share your story, if you have one!

When Life Throws You Lemons...

When one thinks of a tradition, most often it is directly related to food.  When one thinks of a celebration, the food takes center stage.  When we attend a meeting, training, or other business event how often is there food there?  How often does the food help us feel more excited about the dreaded event?

What would happen if you couldn't eat the food that's part of the tradition, celebration, meeting, training, or other business event?

When one thinks of dating, social activities, and friendly gatherings, where do these events take place? What do people do for fun?  Most people go to restaurants, movie theaters, and parties where food again takes center stage.

What would happen if you couldn't eat the food that's part of dating, social activities, and friendly gatherings?

Life changes for the individual and their family, when one is diagnosed with a special dietary need, especially a life threatening one.

I remember Adam was about 18 months old.  Our family of four had been shopping for the afternoon and it was around dinner time.  My husband suggested that we go out to eat.  Almost immediately after he suggested the idea he realized that we couldn't.  Finding a place that would serve food for Adam was almost impossible.  To this day we have only found two places, KFC and Unos.  It is rare that we go to these places.  Most often we pack food from home for all excursions,visits, and vacations.

It's easier to accommodate special dietary needs in babies.  Once they become toddlers it becomes a bit more difficult.  Naturally they see food and want to eat it. They have no knowledge of their special needs.  We as parents become life guards.  Everywhere we go we must keep them safe.

Going out is possible, but must be well planned.  I can remember the first birthday party we went to when Adam was little.  Thankfully the host was my best friend and she was more than supportive as I asked a million questions about the event, food being served, where the food would be located, how many people were coming, and so forth.  The event was a success.

However, there have been many times where we have had to opt out of special events with extended family and friends because we couldn't keep Adam safe.  On many of those occasions there were people who didn't understand and took offense.  At times we've been ridiculed because of this.

And then there are those moments that almost tear your heart into pieces as you grieve for your child's loss.  Like the first time Owen wasn't invited to a friend's birthday party because of his food allergies.  I cried.

So, how do you prepare yourself for such drastic, life-altering changes and continue to have some sort of social life? Here are a few thoughts:

First, it might be helpful to take a step back and appreciate the enormity and complexity of the challenges that await you and your child, for a long time into the future. Any attempts you make at trying to attend a party or day trip in which you are doing your best to make things as safe as possible, are great successes and you should feel great about that! In counseling, this is called normalizing. Counselors use this tool to help their clients who are getting overwhelmed, either by the size and scope of a challenge, or burned out be being too critical of themselves. Raising a kid with special dietary needs is a tough job, and you are doing the best you can, so that should be acknowledged and celebrated! For example, we had a great experience taking our three kids (each with multiple food allergies) on a week's vacation to the beach. Even our faithful pediatrician shed some doubt on whether this was even possible. But, with sufficient planning and preparations, and great support from willing family members who agreed to "follow the rules" about what was allowed (or not) around the kids, we pulled it off. Necessity is the mother of invention, and you have probably come up with many great ideas for having fun with your kids in safe environments as well. This is not easy, and your child will certainly appreciate your efforts as they grow up.

Second, some perspective taking, beyond the normalizing step, might be helpful, to allow you to understand where people might be coming from if they seem insensitive or uncaring about your child's situation. Remember that someone who doesn't live with a major dietary challenge goes on with life not ever really thinking about what they can or can't safely eat, except maybe when you or your child are around. (not to mention that, most likely, if you don't suffer from a special dietary need yourself, you probably didn't think about them either before you had a child with one). Give people the benefit of the doubt, and try to consider their perspective before declaring open war on your Aunt Matilda for serving up a plate of cookies at her last gathering, right under the nose of your lactose or wheat intolerant child.



Questions:

How has the adjustment to life with special dietary needs been for you? Do you feel supported or unsupported by others? What has helped you to overcome those feelings of rejection or hurt?

Have you had any success in planning or participating in an event to make it accessible to your child with special dietary needs? What helped the most in getting people "on board" with making the needed changes?

Grieving the Diagnosis

Everyone grieves at one time or another in their life time. Whether it be over the loss of a loved one, an illness, relationship challenges, or the loss of a prized possession. Most often people experience the same emotions. One can sympathize with another because most likely they've experienced the same or very similar loss.

There are five steps in the grieving process according to Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross.

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

3.Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

The steps may not go in any specific order, but the ultimate resolution is acceptance of the loss.

When a loved one is diagnosed with a special dietary need, immediate family members grieve. But unlike the death of a loved one, that others have experienced, families with children of special dietary needs are often left to grieve by themselves. Others can not sympathize or relate (unless they too have the specific dietary need). Often times the lack of ability by others to sympathize or even empathize results in misunderstanding, lack of support, and often times frustration.

This can be extremely difficult for the family with a child who has special dietary needs. Often times they lose friends. They are viewed as "different" or "paranoid" or sometimes even "crazy." This particular kind of grief has been called disenfranchised grief, since there typically aren't any culturally-accepted practices for grieving this kind of loss. (When was the last time you went to a wake for wheat products for someone diagnosed with Celiac disease? Did you get a Hallmark card expressing condolences for your child's lactose intolerance? Didn't think so.)

So, knowing that other people might not be able to relate to, or even be willing to relate to, your grief over your child's diagnosis, the question becomes, how do you move through the grief cycle and arrive towards acceptance?

A suggested first step would be to identify where you are in the process. Allowing yourself to be in touch with whatever you might be feeling (and it might be many different feelings), is vital to the process of healing and arriving at some kind of peace about the diagnosis. It is also not easy, since it requires honest self-reflection and the feelings might not be exactly pleasant to experience. This sort of honest self-assessment is needed in order to begin moving through the stages, since failing to do this could result in being "stuck" in one of the stages and the grief will continue to be an overwhelming presence in your life for a long time.

Kubler-Ross believed that going through the stages in order (as they are listed above) was important, since the patients she studied seemed to do best when they followed that order. Other researchers have noted that not only are there perhaps fewer or different stages altogether, but that movement through each stage in a particular order is not necessary or even optimal. Furthermore, some research has suggested that is is quite normal to revisit one or more of the stages once or even several times each before arriving at some sort of acceptance, or to completely skip over some stages entirely. The key is doing whatever you need to do to move forward (slowly and unsteadily, most often), until the loss is manageable. (A great article in Time Magazine dated January 29, 2011 provides a good overview of some of the challenges to the Kubler-Ross model).

Despite the criticisms, however, the Kubler-Ross stages are useful for our discussion here, so a brief overview of each stage and how it might be experienced is provided below, along with ideas for how to move through each stage successfully.

1. Denial- The most well-known and obvious stage, and one that has some real potential for problems now and in the future if it is not dealt with somehow. With food allergies, we have found that this happens most when there hasn't been an "incident" with the allergen in a while, and the parents start to question how severe the reaction really was, or if it was real at all, or continued attempts to think that "maybe my child will grow out of it." The dangers here are obvious, so the key to dealing with this stage is to confront the doubt and uncertainty. This tip from the Mayo Clinic website sums it up well:

• Honestly ask yourself what you fear.
• Think about the potential negative consequences of not taking action.
• Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions.
• Try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation.
• Journal about your experience.
• Open up to a trusted confidante.
• Find a support group.

2. Anger- This one again is fairly self-explanatory, but also has a lot of potential for causing problems in your life if left unaddressed. This one can come quickly after getting through the denial, and with dietary needs, this can take the form of anger against God, or nature, (the "why me?" response), anger against people who are careless around your child with food, or unwilling to take it seriously, or the declining rate of invitations to birthday parties, holiday celebrations, family gatherings, etc. (lots of dairy and wheat products involved in those, aren't there?) There are many, many approaches to dealing with anger in general, but the main idea here is to acknowledge that it is okay to feel angry about the diagnosis, about the situations that arise, and people's attitude, but to not get stuck in that anger and take it out on others, etc. This one can be brief and healthy, if needed.

3. Bargaining- This one may or may not apply as often as the others, and is relatively short-lived, since it almost always leads the person to stage 4 (depression). The idea here is that you try to strike a deal with God or whomever or whatever force for good in the universe that you believe is "out there", offering to do good deeds, or quit smoking, or appreciate the small things, etc. in exchange for a remission of your child's special dietary issues. The quickest way through this stage is to realize that, well, it probably won't work, and so, you give up the pleading and continue on to...

4. Depression- This can take two main forms. One, depression about the specific things that you or your child lost upon arrival of the special dietary need. So, for someone with a severe peanut allergy, it's good-bye PB&Js, forever. The second form takes hold as the person with the special dietary need grows up and the implications and consequences of that need play out day to day, over the lifespan of the person. This stage is processed in a similar way to the anger stage, in that the key is to be aware of and in touch with the feelings of sadness and deal with them as they surface. This is not to be confused with clinical depression, which is the result of neurochemical interactions in the brain. However, if left to linger long enough, unresolved feelings of depression about your loss can lead to a depressive episode, so if this happens, it may be necessary to seek out professional help though a doctor of mental health worker.

5. Acceptance- peace, resolution, recovery, reconciliation- it has many different names, and when "it" finally arrives, the feelings associated with it are just as varied. As noted above, some form of acceptance might be experienced early on in the course of the special dietary need, but something could happen to you or your child along the way (loss of relationships, close calls with allergens, feeling different or isolated over time, the accumulation of related health issues, the high price of allergy-friendly living, etc.) that could trigger the onset or recurrence of one of the first four stages. The key again is openness about the feelings, communicating and a desire to move forward towards acceptance. A sense of humor doesn't hurt either ;)

Questions to consider and discuss:

So, what has your experience been with these stages? Have you been through any or all of them? Have you felt stuck on any? What have you done to help move yourself through them?

As mentioned earlier, this is a sort of disenfranchised grief, and you might have to go it alone, with little support from family, friends, schools, etc. So what has your experience been in those kinds of situations? How have you increased awareness or sensitivity towards your child's needs?

Remember, some folks have found that not everyone goes through (or even needs to go through) all five of the "classic" stages of grief, and there is no set pattern for moving through them that is perfect for everyone, so your experience with the grief process may be entirely different than anyone else's...and that is OK!

Favorite Cake Recipes

Last month was Owen's birthday. We celebrated with a delicious cake. I must admit, our cakes have come a LONG way from when the kids were first diagnosed with their allergies. Of course it helps that Owen can now have wheat.

I decided it appropriate to post our favorite cake recipes. One of my friends from college wrote a post about her daughter's first birthday and how they didn't have cake because they couldn't find one she could eat. I felt horrible, knowing that I have so many different recipes. Here goes!

Banana Cupcakes

3/4 cup sugar (OR 1 tsp stevia)
1/2 cup butter, margarine or oil
2 eggs (OR 3 tsp egg replacer mixed with 4 TB water OR an extra banana)
1 cup mashed bananas with 1 tsp baking soda mixed in
2 Tb milk (cow, soy, rice) or water
1 tsp baking powder (OR 1/4 tsp baking soda mixed with 1/2 tsp of lemon juice)
1 3/4 cup flour (wh. or br. wheat, spelt, or rice flour OR my favorite mix: 1 cup br. rice flour, 2/3 cup chickpea flour, 1/3 cup tapioca flour – this mix can be used in place of wheat in almost all recipes)
pinch of salt

Bake cupcakes at 350 degrees F for 15-20 minutes.

This recipe is so versatile for almost every diet. Originally this was a banana bread recipe, and can be made in loaf form, however I found if I added some vanilla frosting, it made great cupcakes.

Vanilla Cupcakes

3 eggs (or 4.5 tsp egg replacer mixed with 6 TB water)
1 1/2 cups sugar (or 1 1/2 tsp stevia)
2 sticks of butter (or the equivalent of oil or margarine)
3 cups of rice flour
2 tsp baking powder (or 1/2 tsp baking soda mixed with 1 tsp lemon juice)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup buttermilk (or 1 1/4 cups rice milk mixed with 1 1/2 TB lemon juice)

Bake at 350 degrees. 10-12 minutes for cupcakes.

This recipe comes from The Kid Friendly Food Allergy Cookbook by Leslie Hammond and Lynne Marie Rominger.

Yellow Cake

1/2 cup margarine or oil

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

1/2 teaspoon lemon extract (optional)

2 eggs (or 2 bananas or 2/3 cup pumpkin puree or 1 tbsp. egg replacer with 4 tbsp. water)

2 1/2 cups wheat flour (or gluten free flour mix)

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

3/4 tsp. salt

3/4 cup water

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and grease and flour the bottoms (not the sides) of three 8-inch round, two 9-inch round, or one 10-by 15-inch oblong cake pan(s). (I have only made cupcakes with this recipe, if you have to omit the egg, I'm uncertain if the cake will turn out.)

Cream the margarine (or substitute), sugar, and vanilla and lemon extracts well together; add the eggs (or substitute) and beat and beat until very light and fluffy. Sift the flour, salt, and baking powder together.

Add the water to the batter along with the sifted dry ingredients, and stir only until well mixed. Turn the batter into the prepared cake pans.

Bake until done; the layers take about 25 minutes, the oblong cake takes about 30 to 35 minutes. Cupcakes take 15 to 20 minutes.

This recipe is from The Milk-Free Kitchen by Beth Kidder, with substitutes added by me.

This is a delicious cake! We love to add allergy friendly chocolate chips to the batter or allergy friendly sprinkles to make it extra special.

Quick Chocolate Cake

1 1/2 cups flour

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

3/4 cup brown sugar, firmly packed

1/3 cup oil

1 cup water

1/2 tsp. vanilla

2 tbsp. almond liqueur (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9-inch round or an 8-inch square pan. Sift the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt together into a bowl. Measure the brown sugar and add it. (If the brown sugar is very lumpy, you may want to break the clumps up with your fingers.) Stir the dry ingredients well. Mix the oil, water, and vanilla together, then add them to the dry ingredients and stir just until all the dry bits are wet. Turn the batter into the prepared pan or cupcake liners. Bake the cake for 30 minutes. Bake cupcakes for 15 to 20 minutes.

This recipe is from The Milk-Free Kitchen by Beth Kidder.

We also love to add chocolate chips to this recipe too!

When it comes to frosting our cakes we use a basic recipe.

Frosting

3 cups sifted confectionery sugar

1/2 cup margarine

3-4 tbsp. water

If you want to make chocolate frosting subtract 1/3 cup sugar for 1/3 cup cocoa.

If you can't use any type or margarine, subtract it from the recipe, add more water a tbsp. at a time until desired consistency and add safe vanilla for flavor.

We are unable to use dyes at our home so instead I'll add fruit juices instead of water to make desired colors.

I do have many more cake recipes but these are the ones that I have tried myself and can guarantee results.

A couple things to remember:

Cakes made without eggs usually have difficulties cooking all the way through. It's easier to make cupcakes.

Cakes made with non wheat flours cook differently. Double check to make sure cake is done before removing it from the oven.

Margarine and oil can usually be used interchangeably. When oil is called for, applesauce can be used in its place.

Milk of any kind and water can usually be used interchangeably, although cakes with water tend to be a little bit more dense and dry.

Eggs can be replaced with egg replacer (a potato powder), bananas (one for one), pumpkin (1/3 cup per egg), and sometimes other fruits.

Enjoy!

Web Based Support

Our support group has been going for 4 months now. Attendance is sporadic. The main reason being the distance between those who want to come and the actual place the meetings are held. We know many people with special dietary needs, and come in contact with more and more every day. Yet, they all tend to live at least 30 minutes away if not more.

I had an epiphany today about how to make our Fun Without Food Support efforts more successful. It's time for web based support! Each month I will make it a priority to post a support post full of information, comfort, ideas, and more about specific topics parents of children with special needs diets encounter. If readers would like to hear about specific topics please leave a comment and tell us!

We will still continue our efforts in expanding our local support group. Meetings will continue to be scheduled and held in hopes that we can reach more people. Activities will continue as they are one of our main priorities. It is important to provide family fun without the worries. We welcome anyone and everyone to attend the Valentine's dance coming up in February.

Besides one support post once a month, I will post recipes I have found, celebration and holiday ideas, personal experiences, recommendations, and sometimes just random thoughts and stories. I welcome all comments and feedback. We are looking for blog followers to help make our efforts a success. This blog is not just about allergies, but about every type of special dietary need. We don't want to leave anyone out!

Each month we will showcase a specific dietary need. It is my hope that we can start reaching families, not just in our county or state, but across the United States and beyond!

Wish us luck!